Thursday, March 31, 2011

Sailing the Seas of Life

I have a long standing fascination with the ocean. There's no place in the world that brings me more peace or feeling of contentment than sitting and watching the waves roll into the beach. I have a healthy respect for the ocean and stand in utter awe of it, nowhere on the planet is man more at a disadvantage than on the open sea. The raw power of water is frightening, a mere hiccup of what it is capable of doing can wipe out tens of thousands effortlessly, not to mention the perils that are unseen navigating the dark waters beneath you.

It's just like life, really. We're ships making a journey through shark infested waters, peaceful days of beauty only to be interrupted by the fury of storms rumbling in the distance that can make one swallow hard and hold on for dear life. It's not easy, at least it hasn't been for me. I suspect that not much worth doing requires little effort, though. All of my most rewarding accomplishments have been difficult to achieve. Makes it all the sweeter, I'd say.

Song challenge of the day: A song you want played at your wedding. I already said 'I do', I won't ever say it again. I don't make this statement because I think my marriage is immune to failure, I'm no idealist… I just know I wouldn't have it in me to do it again. We've been together a very long time haven't killed one another with our bare hands yet.  As difficult as we both are,  it's the epitome of raging success. That's not to say the union is indestructible, we are human beings and there is nothing more silly than to make pompous statements tempting the waters of life to take you out. We're just like everyone else, two totally flawed individuals giving it our best college try, two people who have changed a lot over the years and work hard every day to still make room for each other in our ever evolving lives. Being best friends raising kids together doesn't hurt, that's for sure.  It is the strongest connection two people can have, those chains are harder to break than most (for people who think it's the most important thing you'll ever do,  we're two of those people).  We have a bond unlike any other, hence why amidst all the changes in life we've weathered, we are still one another's constant.  

This was our 'wedding song' when we married at The Fox Theatre over a decade ago.   Nick Cave is a genius.   I got to wear a red wedding dress and say my vows in my favorite building in town.   My friends and family were there.     All that being said, I've enjoyed life after that day far more than the event  itself.   Which, at the end of the day, is a really good thing.   So many women say it was the best day of their lives.  Ugh, I don't get it.    You never want your actual wedding day to be the highlight of your marriage…. if that were the case it would only be downhill from there.   Makes no sense to me at all.

p.s.   Yes, my ship and ocean fascination has lasted that long and is still going strong.   Wait till you see my new tattoo, coming April 25th.   It sure is going to be pretty.   


  1. Great analogy. I love to hear a perspective so close to my own. You know how rare it is to find someone you connect with so deeply and can withstand the test of time and change with? Like you, and for the same reasons, I'd never do it again.

    I've often said to the husband how happy I am that we didn't throw in the towel during our most difficult times. It would have been the easy way out, though. What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment. But really, to be where we are in a long lasting, well aged, mature relationship is so satisfying and rewarding. I really am in awe of the things we have persevered through. 

    Damon and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary next month. We've been together almost 17 years. Come November, I will have been with him over half my entire life. This seems insane to me.

    Don't get me wrong, like you, I have no delusions that we are infallible and immune to destruction. But I'm really enjoying where we're at right now.

    As you said, being best friends, raising children ... hell, growing up together! What an incredible bond.

    I understand when people say they envy what my husband and I have. Our intimacy and ability to laugh and love together. To enjoy life side by side.

    What they don't mention are the battles. The clashing of the titans. We know one another so well that we know exactly what buttons to push to piss the other off, to wound, to really dig in deep when we are unhappy. When things are good, they are positively sinful with delight. When things are bad, watch out, because we need to make sure the guns and big knives are stashed safely away so we don't make any rash mistakes. 

    These relationships are absolutely like raging seas of crashing waves. Constantly threatening to drown you in either calamity or bliss.

    I wouldn't have it any other way. 

  2. Ditto, to all of it save a few tiny details…. you two have been together a couple of years longer than we have. But yes, you nailed it. Why am I not surprised?

    It's the seasoned relationship that makes me continue to weather the storms, as you said. It's taken so many years to build the level of trust, comfort and intimacy that we have that I'm not keen on knocking it all down during a rough patch. We've had hard times (which in reality is more like hard years), but I'm a fighter and this is one battle I'm glad I entered into to win.

    The payoff, in a perfect world, is having that person that's seen you through all of it sitting next to you quietly in the golden years of your life. That image keeps me grounded more than you know.

  3. Oops, hit enter too fast. What I was going to say is that I absolutely realize how rare long lasting unions are nowadays. Of all our friends who were couples, only one other than us is still together. It's been said by people before," If they don't make it (meaning husband and I), there's no hope for any of us."

    That's a hell of a lot of pressure, they all better hope we don't divorce next week, or they are all doomed. ;)

  4. My husband and I fell in love to the tunes of the Murder Ballads album, and quickly realised we could have met 10 years earlier when we were both at the same Nick Cave concert (where both cried to Your Funeral My Trial). I'm glad we didn't though... if we had, I doubt we'd still be a couple now.