I'm no peach, that's the truth.

There will be NO song challenge post today.   Given the fact that I just had to type that basic sentence four times in order to get it out, I'm pretty sure I'm making the right decision on this one.

I like writing this blog, it's been a positive experience.   The down side is that sometimes my filter wants to slip.  I want to rant about things that I have no business writing about publicly, given the fact that a lot of people who read this know me, some much more than others.    I never thought of this blog as a weapon, but leave it to me to immediately consider blabbing my unedited thoughts about those I'm in conflict with right here for anyone to see as soon as I've reached my boiling point.     Of course, I imagine doing all sorts of totally inappropriate and really mean things when I'm angry, so I'm not sure how I've managed to surprise myself with this one.    But when I truly think about it, I suppose it's because I once was very hesitant to put anything of a personal nature down, and now I've got the notion of putting all objects of my disdain on blast for the world to see.  

Of course, I wouldn't do it.  I've developed a modicum of self control over the years, and after all,  it's a lot easier to reel yourself in when you're writing compared to when shit is actually coming out of your mouth.     I'm still working on that one.    Really though, I think it's total bullshit when people claim that they say things they don't mean when they are fighting or angry.   I'm more inclined to believe that people say exactly how they feel and what they think when they are too fired up to think before opening their big mouths.   I know that I do.   That's the problem.   The truth is the damn problem.

Truth is totally overrated in countless situations.   The truth hurts, especially when it comes out raw, not shrouded in tact and kindness.   Let's just face it, while hurting someone's feelings has it's place (it does, don't deny it)  it's not always the way to go, despite the incredible feeling of satisfaction one may get from it at the moment.  I know it's not a popular notion to declare the truth as counterproductive behavior, but here I am saying just that.   Of course, I tend to wield the truth like a sword, using my 'honesty' as a shield, thus making me immune to backlash (if only in a perfectly just world, not this one).   But I know it doesn't work that way.    That's too bad,  there seems to be something rather unnatural about all that self editing.   It's hard work and besides,  I've found few people who are actually worth  the effort.   Perhaps that's why I'm content keeping my circle of loved ones small, I'd literally explode having any more names to add to the list.    I can't help but be confounded by the fact that the more you care about someone, the more it calls for you to keep things to yourself at times.   

That leaves me no choice but to just keep my truths stuffed today, even if it makes me feel like an active volcano  that has been plugged up with a nasty combination of attempted perspective, maturity and compassion.   Being an adult sucks on days like today.