Funerals and Random Bitching

It's Friday!  That means that I endure one more day of work and then I am rewarded with a glorious week off.  All this attempted positive attitude I've been serving may be driving me slowly insane.  I'm not making too much sense lately, so the thought of constructing a cohesive and easily read post when my brain is all over the place is really tiring.   So you'll get no more than random snippets of what is going through my brain.

1.  I've been fighting with my older son, he's been staying at the house and pulling his usual crap.  In the midst of our argument, I immediately thought that due to our nasty dispositions lately, I was going to get us matching coffee cups.   Mine will say 'Bitch' and his will say 'Son of a Bitch'.    Then I burst into laughter for no apparent reason, which only made everything worse.  I just can't win sometimes.  EDIT:  Now that he's not angry with me, he thinks the idea is fabulous, but requested that his say 'Whore' instead, since he sees himself as such a ladies man… oh, give me a break.  Anyway, then they wouldn't be matching cups.  

2.  Try explaining to an innocent nine year old that while it's perfectly acceptable to think of me as his best friend (how sweet is that?) and that I am indeed a female, it's inappropriate to introduce me as his 'lady friend'.     Only my child, I tell you.

3.  My dog is turning me into a paranoid mess.   Since she has a plethora of health problems at almost fifteen years of age, it's work.  She forgets that I've fed her and the past two nights she's been barking at me incessantly for food a mere twenty minutes after she's eaten… ugh.   Not to mention every time I walk into the room and she's sleeping in her bed I think she's dead and freak out.  

4.  My cat Greta has gotten too big for her britches after being rescued from certain death.   She won't speak to me if the husband is home.   She rolls her eyes at me as she steps over me to get to her man, languidly draping herself all over him.  This is bullshit, she and I have more in common, I don't know what she sees in him.  I can't help but mouth the word 'whore' at her  when he's not looking.   I must love her from afar, I guess.

5.  Fact:  I will be spending hours of my Spring Break sharpening pencils.  Hundreds of them, don't ask me why… it's a top secret project and I'd have to put a bullet in your head if you knew the details.   This is proof that I have a far more exciting life than you could ever dream of.  Don't be jealous of me because I live life in the fast lane.   That's just how I roll.

6.  Proof that the song challenge was created by a teenager:   My video of the day is supposed to be a song I want played at my funeral.   I seem to recall having it all planned out once.   When I was fifteen and still wearing a black veil and writing bad poetry in my spare time.  (Think Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice, that's pretty accurate.)

Well I'm here to tell you that I'm not doing it.   Nope.   I can think of nothing more self indulgent than planning out every last detail of how you want people to honor your life.   I don't care if you play a Yo Gabba Gabba song at my funeral.  I'll be dead, what the hell difference will it make to me?  Funerals are more for the people left behind to gain some sort of closure.   My job is to live a life worth remembering, not controlling how my loved ones choose to remember it.   Whoever has the unlucky job of planning mine can play whatever they want, all I ask is that you cremate me and not stick me into the ground.   You want to do something for me?  Play a song for me while I'm still alive so I can bask in the attention. I like attention.

So in lieu of my 'funeral' selection, I'm just playing a kick ass song.   You want to play it at my funeral?  Knock yourself out.  It's probably not that much of a stretch in description anyway.