Sailing the Seas of Life

I have a long standing fascination with the ocean. There's no place in the world that brings me more peace or feeling of contentment than sitting and watching the waves roll into the beach. I have a healthy respect for the ocean and stand in utter awe of it, nowhere on the planet is man more at a disadvantage than on the open sea. The raw power of water is frightening, a mere hiccup of what it is capable of doing can wipe out tens of thousands effortlessly, not to mention the perils that are unseen navigating the dark waters beneath you.

It's just like life, really. We're ships making a journey through shark infested waters, peaceful days of beauty only to be interrupted by the fury of storms rumbling in the distance that can make one swallow hard and hold on for dear life. It's not easy, at least it hasn't been for me. I suspect that not much worth doing requires little effort, though. All of my most rewarding accomplishments have been difficult to achieve. Makes it all the sweeter, I'd say.

Song challenge of the day: A song you want played at your wedding. I already said 'I do', I won't ever say it again. I don't make this statement because I think my marriage is immune to failure, I'm no idealist… I just know I wouldn't have it in me to do it again. We've been together a very long time haven't killed one another with our bare hands yet.  As difficult as we both are,  it's the epitome of raging success. That's not to say the union is indestructible, we are human beings and there is nothing more silly than to make pompous statements tempting the waters of life to take you out. We're just like everyone else, two totally flawed individuals giving it our best college try, two people who have changed a lot over the years and work hard every day to still make room for each other in our ever evolving lives. Being best friends raising kids together doesn't hurt, that's for sure.  It is the strongest connection two people can have, those chains are harder to break than most (for people who think it's the most important thing you'll ever do,  we're two of those people).  We have a bond unlike any other, hence why amidst all the changes in life we've weathered, we are still one another's constant.  

This was our 'wedding song' when we married at The Fox Theatre over a decade ago.   Nick Cave is a genius.   I got to wear a red wedding dress and say my vows in my favorite building in town.   My friends and family were there.     All that being said, I've enjoyed life after that day far more than the event  itself.   Which, at the end of the day, is a really good thing.   So many women say it was the best day of their lives.  Ugh, I don't get it.    You never want your actual wedding day to be the highlight of your marriage…. if that were the case it would only be downhill from there.   Makes no sense to me at all.

p.s.   Yes, my ship and ocean fascination has lasted that long and is still going strong.   Wait till you see my new tattoo, coming April 25th.   It sure is going to be pretty.   

I'm only happy when it rains.

I'm lying, because I am happy on days that it's sunny, too.   I'm just extra special happy when it's raining, it lends to my nature of curling up in quiet dark corners with heavy blankets and books, daring anyone to interrupt my hermit style bliss.   Today's song challenge is to post a song that you play when you're sad.  For fucks sake, not this shit again.   I believe we already covered the typical 'happy/sad' crap at the beginning of this challenge.   I fail to see how the person that created this thing couldn't dream up some more interesting topics, but that's most people for you.  Boring.  

I was going to rebel and post…. yep, Garbage, due to the fact that it's raining and I'm feeling happy.  But I'd be doing it to stick it to the mystery creator of such a dull song challenge, so I'm not going to.  I'm working on having a positive attitude, remember?   Even if it means I must thrust myself into the depths of despair and find songs that make me want to throw myself into oncoming traffic.   Fine, this is what I get for being a rule follower today.

Of course, since I've not paid homage to The Cure yet this month, I'll go with them… plenty of miserable material to choose from.  I like this particular song because it doesn't play on the typical 'getting dumped and heartbroken by the love of your life' scenario.  Instead, he touches on how sucky it is to be the one that's fallen out of love, the one to knowingly hurt the other person only because you know in your heart that it's either their happiness or yours, it will not ever be both.   It's a valid perspective, and not often a sympathetic one because everyone knows there has to be a bad guy in a break up.  It's the rule.

I'm here to tell you it's just as painful, ending relationships doesn't necessarily mean you don't care.  Just because you're the one pulling the plug doesn't mean it's enjoyable, especially when the other party has done nothing to really warrant being left behind, the guilt alone is enough to pummel you into misery.   But that's  life.   Sometimes relationships crumble with no explosion to set things in motion,  it's just a systematic slow breakdown of happiness and fulfillment.   It's always the hardest when there is no one to blame,  when there is no rational reason for hanging on to anger , if only to kindly distract you from  the sheer grief of a dead partnership.    That's why people point fingers, throw accusations and try to understand why this happens.   Not many individuals have the capacity to accept that there doesn't always have to be a 'good reason' for things to fall apart, sometime there is no villain.

Thank you, anonymous song challenge creator.  You've put me in a right mood.    Anyhow, I love this song and do listen to it even when I'm not sad, but it tends to make me over think, so it's often shelved.  It goes out to all you heartbreakers out there.   I'm not mad at you, I get it.   I've worn the title, too.

As a famous Bill once said, 'To thine own self be true'.  It won't always make you popular, but it's always worth it.

In another life

Yesterday's blog and some of its comments left me really thinking of eras and 'lives'.    I've had a few.   I'm happy with my life for the most part, but just because that is true doesn't mean that I don't get the overwhelming feeling some days where I want to shake my head, rub my eyes and scream,  "How did this happen?  How did I get here?"  There are times when my current existence makes me feel unrecognizable to even myself, if you knew me fifteen years ago you'd give yourself whiplash nodding in agreement.     Sometimes I see it as evolution and maturing, and other times I guess I just find myself feeling displaced somehow, like I lost my way and ended up somewhere totally alien, where I must wear the mask and just hope someone doesn't realize that I'm a total imposter.

I'm being pretty dramatic, I know, because I ultimately can say that I've never truly compromised what is important to me or who I really am.   ' Playing the game'  is crucial to success in so many ways, so it feels dumb for me to whine about it like a clueless kid.   But here I am, doing it anyway.  I suppose it's just in my nature to want it all, strictly on my terms.   Ultimately I know these days of  elementary school PTA, playdates, parents and pretending to have something in common with the world I'm enveloped in will eventually come to an end.   I'll look back on it fondly and lament that my babies have all grown, and all the irritating stuff that comes along with this era will fade into the background of my memory, only the faces of my kids as they are now will remain.   So it's worth it, that's what I'm banking on.

Still, I can't help but think about my next life, the one I plan on having when the days of child rearing and dodging the cookie cutter suburban mindset that acts as my own personal quicksand is behind me.   I have noticed that I tend to look backwards when planning to go forward, so I know I'll reach for what brings me joy, comfort and a feeling of home and belonging.  My parents adapted very well to the US,  I obviously love this country but I've never had the strong urge to stay here.   I can't think of anything better than a life filled with afternoon matés on a pretty balcony in BA, nighttime tango bars and trips to Mendoza,  Mar de Plata and Patagonia.    I love Argentina, the thought of making my way back there makes me happy, walking the streets lends me a familiar feeling of childhood times surrounded by my family,  the vibe haunts the cities and envelops me with warmth.   Since today my song challenge is to post a song that makes me happy, I can only contribute a video that I love, because this is what Buenos Aires sounds like …. one day it will be my new life, where I can keep only what I want from this one and go on my merry way.   How can that make me feel  anything but utterly thrilled?

Angry? Nope. Smug, maybe.

Facebook is crazy.  It brings out skeletons from days past that one would never have had to deal with years ago. Without social networking sites, it would be a feat of epic stalking to find out what your exes are up to, what their spouse looks like, and if your wish for their kids to turn out looking like monkeys actually came true. Now it's all too easy to know. I'm nosy for sure and have no problem admitting that I've looked at some people's profile with great interest and amusement. Hey, it's not my fault that they didn't set their pictures on a private setting.

What I cannot wrap my brain around is the notion that just because you knew someone twenty years ago, they want to hear from you today. I've never been the most popular gal on the block, my school days were rough and I have kept in touch with almost no one from my teenage days. I moved into the city and kept no ties with my hometown acquaintances, it wasn't hard to do and it made me realize that I've no problem letting go of people that hold no value in my life, I do that well. Building a brand new life with people of my choosing was a beautiful thing, in many ways I feel as if my real life didn't even start until I closed the door on that era. Enter Facebook, where I quickly was bombarded with friend requests from high school people. That in and of itself is not a total shocker, what was insane to me was the fact that most of these people didn't even pretend to like me back then, but now act as if this is a reunion to go down in the history books. Really? Wow.

I've got a small number of school chums on my page, which I keep totally private and only allow certain folks access to. Those few I have fond memories of for one reason or another, and I legitimately appreciate the people they seem to have grown into being. Most of the time, though, I tend to get a request, shoot over to their page to giggle up a storm and then hit ignore. I don't forget anything, people who were not very nice to me years ago won't get much from me today. I just find it satisfying to see that what so many people told me when I was a miserable kid is actually true. You never want to peak at seventeen and then have it all be downhill from there. It's easy to let go of anger about things when you see that life has payed them back better than you could have ever dreamed. Yep, that's me being just a tad smug.

I know I flaked on the song challenge yesterday, but I was pissed off. The mood should have coincided with today, where I'm supposed to play a song that I listen to when I'm angry. Erm, ok. Since I'm on a roll about school days, let's bust out a dated gem. This is an anger anthem, after all…. blasted from every tape deck in the driveway of every metalhead party ever attended back in the day. And why not? It's a damn catchy song, even when you aren't furious over anything, which is pretty much me so far today.

p.s.   I actually am slightly peeved about this site acting up.  It hasn't recorded any page views or stats since Saturday, so either no one is reading this at all suddenly or something is screwy.  This happen to anyone else?   Not sure how to report or fix it.  

I'm no peach, that's the truth.

There will be NO song challenge post today.   Given the fact that I just had to type that basic sentence four times in order to get it out, I'm pretty sure I'm making the right decision on this one.

I like writing this blog, it's been a positive experience.   The down side is that sometimes my filter wants to slip.  I want to rant about things that I have no business writing about publicly, given the fact that a lot of people who read this know me, some much more than others.    I never thought of this blog as a weapon, but leave it to me to immediately consider blabbing my unedited thoughts about those I'm in conflict with right here for anyone to see as soon as I've reached my boiling point.     Of course, I imagine doing all sorts of totally inappropriate and really mean things when I'm angry, so I'm not sure how I've managed to surprise myself with this one.    But when I truly think about it, I suppose it's because I once was very hesitant to put anything of a personal nature down, and now I've got the notion of putting all objects of my disdain on blast for the world to see.  

Of course, I wouldn't do it.  I've developed a modicum of self control over the years, and after all,  it's a lot easier to reel yourself in when you're writing compared to when shit is actually coming out of your mouth.     I'm still working on that one.    Really though, I think it's total bullshit when people claim that they say things they don't mean when they are fighting or angry.   I'm more inclined to believe that people say exactly how they feel and what they think when they are too fired up to think before opening their big mouths.   I know that I do.   That's the problem.   The truth is the damn problem.

Truth is totally overrated in countless situations.   The truth hurts, especially when it comes out raw, not shrouded in tact and kindness.   Let's just face it, while hurting someone's feelings has it's place (it does, don't deny it)  it's not always the way to go, despite the incredible feeling of satisfaction one may get from it at the moment.  I know it's not a popular notion to declare the truth as counterproductive behavior, but here I am saying just that.   Of course, I tend to wield the truth like a sword, using my 'honesty' as a shield, thus making me immune to backlash (if only in a perfectly just world, not this one).   But I know it doesn't work that way.    That's too bad,  there seems to be something rather unnatural about all that self editing.   It's hard work and besides,  I've found few people who are actually worth  the effort.   Perhaps that's why I'm content keeping my circle of loved ones small, I'd literally explode having any more names to add to the list.    I can't help but be confounded by the fact that the more you care about someone, the more it calls for you to keep things to yourself at times.   

That leaves me no choice but to just keep my truths stuffed today, even if it makes me feel like an active volcano  that has been plugged up with a nasty combination of attempted perspective, maturity and compassion.   Being an adult sucks on days like today.    

Viking hats and sexy songs

This has been the year that I've been intent on doing new things. I've felt stagnant and unadventurous for the past few seasons, with no one to blame but myself. I've been acting like the quintessential granny, always layered in blankets and sweaters, peering over a book as I grumble about this, that or the other. Thus far, my amping up the volume on life has had mixed results. I'm already a gym fanatic and really do enjoy kickboxing and boot camps so much that my obvious means of adventure has been based on purely physical challenges… and I've learned a lot about myself. Doing the North Georgia Canopy Tours last summer was super fun and easy enough to break into trying out new things. I discovered I'm not that scared of heights. Good to know. Enter rock climbing…. what can I say? I'm a natural. Having never been much of an athlete in my younger years, it was great to find that my light weight and freakishly long limbs were a plus in this particular area.   Wonderful, all is good in the world.

Softball. What ever possessed me to join my work's softball team? I was asked because they desperately needed another female, and since I was on the path of not saying no to challenges, I accepted. I've only had one practice and not one official game yet, but I can already tell you that this is an epic fail of grand proportion. But whatever, I'll see it through and put another notch on my belt. My goal is now not to master the art of softball, but to not be a total Debbie Downer about sucking. It's hard to have fun when you have the sort of personality that is competitive and always striving to be the best.  This is me working on my positive outlook, at the expense of all the players on my team.   Heh.   

I have no real rational reason for signing up for Warrior Dash last night. I hate to run. In retrospect, I'm thinking that it was presented when I was still reeling from the stupid Spring Fling Dance I had to endure for The Kid (watching kids dance is one thing, watching their parents dance is something altogether different…. some things cannot ever be unseen.   Burned into my retinas forever, I tell you.)  There was also the stress of having to work all afternoon around those setting up for the dance, I could go on and on about potential contributing factors to my mindset.    Regardless, I did it and now will have a reason to not miss a gym date for the next five weeks. Truth be told, I did it all for the hat. And I like the idea of sliding around in the mud. If you're not familiar with the event, take a look.

Again, I'm totally off track with what I'm supposed to be writing about, the song challenge…. to post your 'sex song/romantic song'.    Gross.   How old are we?   I don't feel the mood coming on, start a fire, whip out my bearskin run and get out my 'sexy time' music compilation to set the scene for love.   But I get it.   There are certain songs that ooze sensuality, no doubt about it.    Since everyone knows that viking hats and muddy women are the epitome of sexy, I suppose I've set the tone for presenting one of my favorite tunes.   ;)
Seriously though, I couldn't think of a better song to encapsulate the essence of the challenge, ridiculous as the challenge may be.   I love Portishead, this album is one long piece of awesome broken up into different songs.   This particular song is about as romantic as it gets in my book.     

Time Warp

Well, it's Friday. I feel complicated. Now, I know that is not a typical adjective used when describing a mood, but I have so much jumbled up in my brain from the events of the week that it's really very accurate. Not bad, not good. Complicated. Which probably means I can't really figure it all out myself. This is probably due to the fact that I'm most at peace with routine. Over the years I've become good friends with constants, and change tends to throw me for a loop.   As luck would have it, I just happen to have had a lot of change dumped on me this week. I suppose I'll eventually get to discussing those changes around here at some point, but not today.

Not sure how many of you reading this were around for my birthday meltdown last summer, but it wasn't pretty. I don't tend to put too much thought on age, and have never had any trauma over getting older, but this year took me down the road to a house I like to call '1 Crazy Bitch Place'. Maybe it's because I never really imagined myself at the age I am now. ( Hell, I was glad to make it to 25 in one piece.) Or maybe it's because I was slapped with the realization that my oldest son and all the kids he grew up with are pretty much adults now. I don't know what caused it, seeing as how I'm still technically young, but it was a doozy. I sure hope that means that I have another decade before I freak out about something as silly as a number again. That would be pretty nice.

Don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this. The song challenge today is for me to post a song that I hear on the radio that I love. Well, I don't listen to the radio.  People think I'm nuts because it takes me about seven months longer than the rest of society to recognize a hot mainstream new single, singer or band. However, I tend to be pleased with myself about it, because I cherish my bubble, where I am in complete control regarding what finds it's way into my atmosphere. On the rare occasion that I leave my iPod at home and I get talked out of driving in silence by one of the kids, the radio does get flipped on. What's so surreal is that I recognize nothing unless it's being played on one of those 'kind of oldies' radio stations that are always piped into a dentist's office waiting room. You know, the ones that play music that is usually around twenty five years old. But, hey. That's ok, because it's still better than most of the garbage pumped out today.

I actually heard this song last week sitting in…. yes, the orthodontist's office waiting room. Joan Jett was one of my idols, my crush on her has not lessened much over the years.   She needs no introduction.

Ugh

Song challenge of the day. A song I used to love but now hate. I tried to find a video of Depeche Mode's "People are People", because that song makes me want to hurl, but yet when I was young I used to sing it (and love it) like it actually made sense. It doesn't, I can find plenty of reasons why people who don't know each other hate each other, makes no fucking sense at all. I found plenty of videos but none that would embed. Depeche Mode, that song is ridiculous and you should know it.

I had to rally and find another song.    I'm on a time crunch. This song sucks. I think there was a time when I didn't think so. So there you have it, it takes second place, but it's well deserved.

Grudge holder? Check.

I've been up all night with a sick child and feel sad that Elizabeth Taylor died this morning. I'm also irritated that I have not found a way to clone myself yet. Not sure how I'm supposed to take care of a teenager with pneumonia, a kid with some crazy fever and be at work to put out fires at the same time. Throw in the fact that my work's softball team has its first practice tonight (I've been made catcher) and I'm just about to lose my marbles. The little amount of sleep I did get last night was riddled with visions of a softball flying at my face five hundred miles per hour and messing up my face. Whoo. What's life without a little bit of excitement and danger, eh? I reckon it will be an interesting day.   Now that  the rant of the day is out of my system, I will begin to try and make some sense.   

I've been told more than a couple of times in my life that I get under people's skin. This has been meant in both a positive and negative way, and it's been acknowledged as both. Whether they love me or just love to hate me, fact is that I've somehow crept into their head. Folks have been making up fantastic tales about me since I can remember, and though it used to upset me to no end, I now find it just a little funny to hear the newest story told. Seriously, if a third of the things people said about me were true, I'd be one interesting gal. I'm choosing to try and take these things as compliments nowadays, even though most are certainly not meant as such. After all, there's something to be said for inspiring so much of people's time and energy when there are so many other things in this world to focus on, right?

The point of my bringing this up today is because my song challenge is to post a song that describes me. I don't really like doing that, because I'm of the firm belief that learning how others see you is far more interesting and useful than how you see yourself. So while I'll cooperate and post a song, I'd like to open the challenge up to you guys. Who cares how I see myself ? What would be so much more fun is knowing what song you would choose to describe me. I probably won't get any public bites on this offer, but I'm flipping the challenge anyway. Go ahead, make my day.   Private messages do not count, people.     ;)

Back to my own song choice. I've chosen to focus on my most annoying traits. After all, once you hear these lyrics, how can you deny the appropriateness?

Beware

I bear more grudges

than lonely high court judges

When you sleep

I will creep into your thoughts

like a bad debt

that you can't pay

Take the easy way and give in

Yeah, and let me in.

You shouldn't be surprised

I don't even know what day of this dumb song challenge it is.   As I've already stated, my mood has been curiously strange lately, even by my own standards.   I'm not even interested in figuring out where it's coming from or what it's all about, I just plan on riding it out.  Sometimes it's just the best way.

I do wonder whatever possessed me to start writing this blog.    There is a voice in the back of my head telling me that no one really gives a shit about my rambling.   But that wasn't really the point of doing it in the first place, was it?  I've never been so egotistical to think that folks hang on my every word, and I'm used to not being the most fascinating and insightful person in the room…. well, that's not actually true.   I do tend to find myself surrounded by mundane people pretty often, but being the least boring out of that lot is really nothing to pat yourself on the back about.    But I digress.    The point I was making was that the reasons I had for starting to log my thoughts were purely selfish,  so whether others find it worthwhile should really not be of any concern.    I'll just continue to blab away even if no one is listening, that is one thing I've had lots of practice with in real life.   I'm totally in my comfort zone with this one.

So, back to the song thing.   Today I'm supposed to knock your socks off and blow your mind by posting a song no one would expect me to like.   That should technically be virtually impossible, because looking back on this whole thing, it should be glaringly apparent that I don't pigeonhole myself when it comes to what I will admit to listening to.   I'm not even going to try to wow anyone with this one, I just haven't got the energy.   You shouldn't be surprised at anything I put up at this point, really.     Today's selection will be my favorite George Michael song.    Man,  he used to write some great lyrics in his day.  If you haven't heard this one, sit down for a minute and listen to it.   I really love it.

  The video is sort of stupid, but just pay no mind to it.  The song is lovely.

Not guilty

I just woke up. This is strange and disturbing, as it's almost ten thirty in the morning. I never really sleep past six, but I've been feeling strange lately and I suppose I needed the sleep. The flip side is that now I'm experiencing some sort of sleep hangover. Coffee, please. I have stuff to do before work.

So let's get right down to it. Song challenge of the day is to post a song that's a guilty pleasure. Sorry, I don't feel guilty about anything that I like. What's the point? It just doesn't seem to make sense to me in any way. But I'll go ahead and pick this T.I. song, only because I never imagined myself actually listening to his music. I had a run in with the kid in 2004 and it was so funny that it never occurred to me that I'd be jamming out to one of his songs.

Obviously, he's an Atlanta rapper, like so many of them nowadays. I had a breezy job working the door at The Mark (for you old timers, it's the old Karma on Poplar St.). Not really my scene, but it was an easy gig that provided great extra cash a couple of times a week. Every once in a while someone would try to just walk in and bypass us at the door like they owned the place with no consideration for having us check the VIP list or paying to get it. I must have been having an annoying night with this shit, because when a young guy and his posse made their move in the door and walked right past me, I lost it. I'm pretty good at letting people know they need to back it up and start over, but once my mouth started running, the bouncer immediately looked like he was going to break a sweat and was trying everything short of slamming his hand over my mouth to shut me up fast.

Huh? I didn't get it at all. Turns out I embarrassed all of them. Didn't I know this was T.I.? Um, no. Who the hell is T.I.? He looked like fifty other kids I was watching walk in the door that had to pay their damn cover or at least tip the door!!!!!!! What can I say? I'm a rule follower and am not hip to every budding rapper in the city. Besides, according to fifty percent of the population, they were one of them. Long story short, I thought it was funny, others were mortified, he himself didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. Upon coming home and telling the story, my son and his friends were appalled at my behavior, because apparently I was the only person in the world unable to recognize him. Whatever. I have better things to do. Like collect money at the door. Damn, don't these people realize I'm old?

Anyhow, I eventually developed a true liking for many of his songs later down the road. He's my favorite rapper to work out to. It's a fact that I can shave a large amount of time off of running my mile when this particular song is playing on my iPod. So here we are, song of the day. T.I., I still think you should have tipped the door. You can talk jumpers off of buildings on Peachtree St. so that you look better for the judge when they try to throw you back in jail, but you can't throw a twenty in the jar?

Tsk, tsk.   It's ok, though.   I do forgive you, for once in my life I'm not holding a grudge.  

When the minutes drag

The person writing this is all out of sorts today.   I can't quite put my finger on what's wrong with me, but there are times when I can't seem to get comfortable in my skin.  I feel like I should be somewhere else, doing something else, anywhere but what my existence is at that particular moment.   It's that itch that I can't scratch, a feeling of unrest and anxiety that makes me queen bitch for the day.   I've not yet found a way to pull myself out of that sort of funk successfully, short of barricading myself in a room and going to sleep.  Since that is rarely an option on most days, I just have to push through and try not to make everyone around me miserable.    I guess today I'm just angry for no reason…. which usually means I'm angry about a million tiny things that irritate me over a course of time, and it's compounded to a mood of seemingly unreasonable proportion to those looking in from the outside.    Whatever, it is what it is, and I'll just have to ride it out.

Song challenge of the day is to provide your favorite song from a movie.  Fairly simple for me, since one of my all time favorite songs just happens to be in a John Hughes movie called "She's Having a Baby".   The film itself is cute and quite tolerable if you can stand Kevin Bacon, but I always thought the soundtrack was way too cool for the movie itself.    You wouldn't expect to hear Kate Bush ('This Woman's Work' is also on the soundtrack, brilliant and sad song for sure) and Love and Rockets in a fluffy mainstream flick, but it was a fun surprise to hear such good tunes in the movie.

This song grips me and shakes me around on the inside when I listen to it.  It always has had that effect on me, because I know all to well how to feel those lyrics.   The minutes drag for me a lot, quite especially when I get locked into another place in my mind that has way of sucking me in, and I never quite know what the trigger will be.    Sometimes it's good, other times, not so much.   Regardless, it happens.   That's another time that calls for just riding it out, I suppose.

Anyhow, enjoy.  This is my favorite Love and Rockets song.  It's fairly close to what I would call a perfectly honest love song.

I love The Smiths

I haven't the slightest urge to share anything today. My head is as close to empty as it's ever going to get, which is probably the result of a three day headache, little sleep and a long list of things I must accomplish in the next two days off of work.  I'm feeling a little shaky, so I'll get right down to it.

Today I must play something from my favorite band. I'm getting really repetitive by saying I don't have one these days, I could probably do much better if you gave me a genre of music to spring off of. But no, it's got to be an all time favorite band. I'm just going to make things easier on myself by going with the band that is as easy for me to listen to today as it was in the 80's. The Cure actually would have to hold the rank of my absolute favorite band when I was young, but in truth, it's not been on heavy rotation for many years. I can only do smaller doses of Robert Smith these days. Hmmm.

I play The Smiths pretty consistently. Most people don't feel indifferent towards them, they either love them or absolutely despise them. My son (the older one) would rather throw himself out of my car toward oncoming traffic than to be subjected to it, so it's especially useful when he's made me angry and I have him as a captive audience. No one ever said I fight fair. Anyhow, I love The Smiths as much today as I did when I first heard one of their songs. Their music is oftentimes melodic and cheery, and the juxtapose of their offbeat (and sometimes really mean or terribly depressing) lyrics makes them special. But I'm not here to convince anyone to like them, I'm just going to play a little tune that I love. Choosing a song from their library was harder than I thought, but I finally decided on this one, since Oscar Wilde makes everything better.

Eye Candy

Whew. It's finally Friday, I can't believe this week has taken such a toll on me.  I deserve a huge reward for having survived it.   I'm taking some liberties with this song challenge, for sure.    My assignment for today is to post my favorite video.   Gah, I don't have one…. not a fan of watching my music when I could be listening to it and doing other things.     So I obviously thought of the next best thing.  Post a video with a man that is easy on the eyes.   I can only giggle as I write this, seeing as how I'm well aware that my personal taste in aesthetics is not what you would call conventional.  Nope, no Brad Pitt for me.  You ladies can have him.

It took me a while to find a good video that didn't  make me roll my eyes, but that fit the 'total hunk' bill.   Let's see.   Beards are not strictly required, but certainly preferred.   Style is an absolute must (and style doesn't have to be flouncy, it just has to be a good look,  done well.)  Then the perfect solution came to me.    Take one of the best looking men on the planet, add go go dancers and a Clockwork Orange theme…. folks, you've got yourself a winner.   Behold, the chosen eye candy for the day.

Rob Zombie, you are beautiful.  I mean it.   You are my gift to myself this Friday.

I have coffee. Shall we dance?

First of all, I'm not succumbing to the St. Patrick's Day pressure today.  I know, I know, I'm totally no fun.   Fact is though,  I am not even a little bit Irish, and shouldn't have to wear green for people to leave me alone and let me do my job in peace.  Anyone pinches me for wearing purple and I'll throw a quick elbow and drop them before they can say 'clovers and a pot of gold'.  Seriously.    That's pretty much all I have to say about that.

Dancing was quite literally my life from age four until the age of sixteen.  I was not a sports kid.  Hell, I couldn't even climb a tree or run the mile in school, but I was dancing in a pair of pointe shoes by the time I was ten.   I logged as many hours in the dance studio after school and on the weekends as folks do working a part time job.   I was sad to leave it behind, but my life choices paved a different path for me.
Still, there is nothing that I loved more than dancing, and I love the art form to this day.

This was quite evident when I was working 60+ hours a week and still going out dancing as often as I could.  I'm rather tired just thinking about it now, my energy level and endurance isn't what it once was… after all, we're talking about the days that I could easily go on two to three hours of sleep a night for weeks at a time.    Now I'm quite literally crawling up my stairs before nine in the evening and falling into a heap on my bed, anxious to just let my eyes close, as I know morning always comes quickly and I have to do it all over again.

So, yeah.  My life isn't really conducive to clubbing these days, which is fine with me.  I had my years and quite honestly, I don't think I  currently have the patience level for crowds of strange faces young enough to be my kids mixed with familiar faces that are far too old to still be decked out in latex, black lipstick and platform boots.  Really, someone ought to tell them they've just become an amusing caricature of who they were twenty years ago.   I mean, I still love the same bands as much as the next gal.   But come on, people.   Evolve… yes, you're still so very hardcore, but you and I both know you have jeans and sneakers in your closet like the rest of us.    Nowadays, I can rarely stomach the club experience,  but it doesn't stop me from dancing.

Yes, I still dance.  I wake up early enough to have time to drink my coffee all alone, before anyone is even considering opening their eyes.  On days I'm feeling particularly energetic, this coffee time also doubles as 'early morning dance party in my pajamas'.   I can spin my own playlist and forget I've got anything else to do,  at least for a few songs.     Today, which is day number nine of the song challenge, it tells me to post something I can dance to.    So on this St. Patrick's Day that I refuse to participate in, I tip my hat to an old club favorite that always got me on my feet.   It's still in heavy rotation on my kitchen dance floor.     Hey, a party of one isn't so bad, you know.


p.s.  Dear Ogre, you are still amazingly hot after all these years.  Yes, sir.  I know what I said about evolving, but it doesn't apply to you.  You just keep doing your thing.    xoxo

Zombies…. mmmmm

Morning, all. Feeling a bit tired today, and it's no wonder. Been drowning in all that is life lately and some days my best is simply keeping my head above water. My time management has been utter crap lately, and while I technically should have ample time to do everything expected of me if I follow a regimented schedule, it's just not happening lately.

Imagine my delight at seeing that the song challenge today was to post a song you know all the words to. Maybe it's just me, but don't most people know the words to most, if not all, of the songs they like? No matter, I take this as a free pass to post whatever I want. And today I have brain eating zombies on my mind. Not really, it's just a great song I've liked for too many years that I play when I need a bit of a pick me up to get me going. Let's just call it an uplifting classic from the vaults.

So hop on board and experience the feel good song of the day.  (Well, my version of one, anyway)
Lyrics are posted on the video, now you know the words, too. 

My Dad

I knew shortly after waking up this morning that I was going to be emotional today. Hey, it happens.

This song challenge thing is starting to irritate me, but it has clearly done it's job by providing me things to write about. Today is ' a song that reminds you of a certain event' day. Well, my mind immediately jumped to my father, as it tends to do on days when  I'm feeling a bit fragile.

My father hung the moon to me, and he loved me as his only child more fiercely in the nineteen years I had him than I could have ever hoped of receiving from anyone  in a lifetime. So I suppose I'm incredibly lucky in that respect. He often worked nights, so my childhood days were filled with him there, our summers vivid in my mind… the two of us together. We would drive around in his VW Camper and sing Elvis Presley at the top of our lungs, with all the gusto and emotion we could muster (and that was a lot, he was Italian, after all). This was one of our favorites, especially since we could duo… he would belt out the song with me as backup and then I would take over with such dramatic dialogue that you'd think we were performing at Carnegie Hall. But we were just driving in our own little world, and as an introverted and lonely little girl,  it was my favorite place to be.  A safe, secure and truly happy bubble.

 I miss him so much. They lie when then say it gets easier. It doesn't. It gets harder. Maturity gives a new perspective on all that didn't happen and all that could have been down the road. He endured some of my most awful days, loved me through all of it even when I was so difficult to even like and never got to see that everything turned out ok in the end.

London circa 1998

Song challenge of the day: A song that reminds you of somewhere.

I was in London working for Vidal Sassoon in 1998, and it just so happened to coincide with this album dropping. It was EVERYWHERE. I arrived in England with two suitcases and a tube map, found my way to Chiswick, where I was renting a room from a wonderful woman called Toni and began my adventure, with this damn song playing in the background constantly.

From the Davies Mews to the S. Molton St. Salons, this tune was inescapable. Not to mention I was hitting every gay bar in the city with my co-workers, and I don't care what country you're in, raging club queens love Madonna. (Did I mention Toni and her girlfriend also had a Madonna obsession? Yeah, I heard it at home, too.) Anyhow, of all the weekends at Slimelight dancing my heart out to music that was far more my taste, that music doesn't register in my memory, this one stands as the soundtrack to my months there.

I fell in love with England that year, I fell in love with my career even more than before, I made amazing friends, had lots of laughs and learned more about myself in that time period than I had thought imaginable. Had I been able to stay there forever, I would have. It stands as one of the best eras of my life, so when I hear this,  I just can't help but smile.

I love new/old stuff

Went to the Scott Antique Market yesterday.  Found a few nice things, two of which came home with me.  The other I had to sadly leave behind, due to not being quite sure how to haul home an early 1900's cast iron working safe that a grown man couldn't even pick one corner of up.    Oh well, there is always next month.   Here is what I did get.

A pretty new piece for my foyer.  It's not hung yet, but will be soon.

The second is a 'warlock' cast iron antique bottle opener.  It's pretty heavy and it caught my eye out of the ones that were there.  Hoping that the others in contention will be available next month, as it would be nice to have more than one to display.

Hmm, this reminds me of someone.

It's Sunday morning and I've got a full day. May as well go ahead and get the song challenge of the day out of the way. Today calls for posting a song that reminds me of someone. Here's a really good one, describes more than a few women I know perfectly. I could name names, but that would just be rude.

Instead I'll just say that her name is actually not Caroline. It's Shanon.

Oops, did I just say that? I'm kidding. Not about her name being Shanon, but about it exclusively being dedicated to her. She's just one of them. So to all you bitches out there, this one is for you.

Day 4: Sadness

Day 4 of the music challenge requires posting a song that makes you sad. Again, easy enough.  I have enough sad music from a million different genres to have me wallowing in my corn flakes for weeks without having to come up for air.   Well, this one rips me into a million little pieces. I could have put it under 'best cover', since I think Amy Ray blows the original Dire Straits version away, but I knew this 'sad' day was coming and it was far more appropriate being placed here.

Great, now I'm totally depressed.   

Ewww, politics.

Political conversation makes me break out into hives.  It's oftentimes uncomfortable, aggressive and irrational.   Most of all,  it's one guy trying to convince another that his yahoo is somehow better than the other guy's.  Crooks and liars, all of them… that's what I say, which is probably why I end up favoring the one that is least offensive to me in some ways.  That's why I don't go there.  It's sort of like debating religion with people, no good is going to come of it and someone's going to walk away with their panties in a twist.

None of this means that I don't have opinions.  And I'm tired of folks coming to me and assuming that I would naturally hold the same views as them because we 'are so much alike'.    So here is my little opinion post.   Look it over, see what I think, and then kindly still refrain from involving me in your political debate, even if we see eye to eye on something.

1.  I am pro gun, pro death penalty and pro choice.
2.  We give too many damn handouts in this country.  Welfare should exist on a limited time frame and all generational welfare recipients should be left in the street to find a damn job and be put on mandatory birth control….. or better yet, sterilization.   Having children isn't a right, it's a privilege.  Can't properly take care of your kids, but yet you stay knocked up?  Someone should snatch them right out of your grubby hands.
3.  Religion is too infiltrated in politics.  I couldn't care less about your 'moral code'.
4.  People have the right to sleep with whoever they want.  I have no tolerance for lifestyle intolerance.
5.  The government should just stay the hell out of an individual's private life.  I don't care what you do in the privacy of your own home,  so long as you're not hurting anyone else.   You shouldn't care either, mind your own business.
6.  Yeah, yeah, the USA  is great, a powerhouse (and yes, I'm damn glad and proud to live in this country).  It's just a shame that as a whole, we're lacking widespread superior health care and education.   Blast me if you want, but so many other countries do it better and live happier, healthier and smarter lives.   One day it's going to make a difference to the detriment of our children's and grandchildren's lives.
7.  My family came to the US legally, I have little tolerance for those who don't.  My father got his citizenship by becoming a Force Recon Marine and spending a loooong time in Vietnam. THAT'S  how badly he wanted to be in this country, so go whine to someone else about this.         Oh, and they learned to speak the language.   Quickly.  

That, my friends, is the fastest and easiest way for me to get across my views, all stated in ways that even a teen could understand.    Now I'm off to go antique shopping and will post my song thing later today.
Happy Saturday, everyone!

p.s.   I HATE Sarah Palin in every way imaginable, more than you know.  Thinking she's worthy of note is not only ridiculous, in my book, it's a character flaw.   Just had to get that one in there.  ;)  

Day 3: Happiness

Today I'm supposed to post a song that makes me happy. Easy enough. I can think of lots of songs I like, then I can sit there and come up with a million and one deep reasons that these songs resonate with me. Well, today I'm not going to do that.  After all, there's enough deep shit going on in the world today without my having to wax poetic over anything meaningless.    I'm just playing a song that I'm happy driving to on a sunny day. Windows down, alone, taking in the sights of my city. My head nods in time to the music and I feel great.

p.s. I grew up in the one of the largest hip hop capitals of the world. YES, I listen to some of it. YES, I like it… as a matter of fact, I will listen to nothing else while working out.

Day 2: Favorite Cover Song

The original 30 Day challenge asks you to post your least favorite song. Why in the world would I care to peruse videos of hated songs? I'll pass, thanks. I've got enough eye rolling crap to listen to on a daily basis without voluntarily searching for more to expose y'all to. Thankfully, I found an alternative challenge list that appealed to me more and will be using that instead.

I initially had three contenders for today's choice and thought it would be relatively easy to choose one. Sonic Youth and The Ramones especially do covers that I am wild about. However, I decided to go with Johnny Cash's cover of 'Hurt' by Nine Inch Nails. It's a brilliant song in the first place, one I overplayed for longer than I should have when it first came out. I didn't think anyone could do justice to the song by covering it. I was so wrong.

Johnny Cash has always been a favorite of mine. My nine year old struts through the house crooning 'Ring of Fire' and 'Folsom Prison Blues' on a weekly basis. This album, however, exposed a startling and touching sense of an artist reflecting on his life in his last days. He took on Trent Reznor and Nick Cave songs with ease and comfort, he sang the words with such poignant ownership that his versions surpassed the originals in how they drew emotion from me. Now I have a hard time personalizing this song, because his voice and feelings overpower my own …. part of me senses that I'm peeking in on a personal moment that I ought not be privy to. But he gifted it to his fans, and died shortly after.

Thanks, Mr. Cash.  We'll always play your music and love you.  

30 Day Song Challenge

A friend of mine started doing this song challenge on Facebook, and I thought it would be a great springboard for me to find things to write about and to get me used to posting something more often than once a week. Day 1 consists of posting your favorite song. Seriously, who has ONE favorite song? I have a list the length of my entire body that could be contenders. Alas, David Bowie had to win out, even if it's for the sheer lack of being able to make a definite decision.

This song takes me back (and we know what a sucker I am for  that). I loved that era of my life, those cohorts, this song and most of all….. Bowie as an artist himself. Good times.  The personal connection to the song itself is different, but just as strong.  

p.s. I have extremely schizophrenic taste in music. You're in for 29 more days of it. Consider yourself warned. On the flip side, I've always said that people's musical taste explains a lot more than what they might be willing to tell you.

Oh, to be nine again.

I will never be in danger of being a hoarder.  Ever.  I throw things away pretty easily, and some keepsakes have admittedly become victim of my need to simplify and let go of 'stuff'.  Some of my friends collect photographs.  Me, not so much.  Obviously I do have pictures, but many old ones are in a shoebox just waiting for me to decide to become a full on suburbanite and join a scrapbooking club. (Before anyone holds their breath,  let me just say that it will never happen.  Other than sewing, I have a strong aversion to 'crafts'.  They make me break out into hives.)   I have manila envelopes where I've kept special artwork and papers filed away for each of my kids, but my refrigerator will NEVER be riddled with all the latest art and graded papers.  Why?  It clutters, and clutter stresses me out.   True confession time, I'm one of those parents that keeps your run of the mill mediocre drawing on the fridge for a week and then throws it out when the kid is not looking.  Hell, you can't save EVERYTHING.  It's a slippery slope between keeping every scrap your child writes on and being a full fledged crazy woman with thirty cats and boxes stacked up to the ceiling.  At least in my mind, anyway.  ;)

So the kid came home this past week with a paper he had written.  Chances are, it may make it into the manila folder, but it may also bite the dust, depending on the level of my cleaning frenzy this week.   I get this from my mother, who has every memento from my childhood in one box, no school papers, artwork, just a couple of small things and some photos.   Since I often wish that I had some solid evidence of how my brain worked and what my perspective was as a young one (we've already covered how my memories are somewhat skewed in my last post), I decided to post the kid's paper about himself here.  There is no danger of it being lost, and I'll be glad I did it later.  Of course, some of the details are removed by me for privacy's sake, but without further ado,  an autobiography at age nine, typos and all…

I love wolves!  I actually love all animals.  I also like a lot of other things.  To find out those things, you have to read about my background, hobbies and future.


For one thing, I should tell you about my background.  I was born Dec ******.  I was born at ****** Hospital.  While I was being born, I met my older brother, Sidney.  Sidney was not nice!  I had a lot of fiends when I was born, we all pulled on each other.  


Of course, I should tell you what I do for a living.  I love watching the graceful birds flying.  I hold worms in my hand to get the birds to eat off of me.  I love to breakdance.  My recital is coming up soon. My favorite hobby is chess because it takes a lot of thinking.  I'm good because I have great stratagies.   I should especially tell you what I want to do when I grow up.  I would love to go to M.I.T.  I love to learn about technology.  I want to be a famous musician.  Ill either play the piano or guitar.  I'd like to be the President of the United States of America.  I want to make laws that everyone likes.


I'm a pretty interesting guy.  Everything about me is in a different category.  I have a good background, weird hobbies and dreams that might never happen.  I hope you enjoyed my expository story about myself!!!


Oh, to be nine again.

EDIT:  I am a genius for posting this, though I'm sure it holds little interest to anyone other than myself.  It took all of fifteen minutes of my being in the shower for my cat to rip his paper to shreds with her teeth.  She was basking in the destruction looking very satisfied with herself when I walked into the room.